Then and now: 2005

I'm a bit late to the party on this one, but nwhyte gave me 2005 for the then and now meme that's been doing the rounds.

Age then: 24
Now: 35
Relationship status then: Messy but fun! I'm glad I already had this journal by then, otherwise I'm not sure I'd have been able to remember all the timings! At the start of the year deliberateblank and I had recently split up, but were still living together, in an amicable but somewhat stressful (probably more so for him than me) way. I was a few months into a relationship with the boy who brought me back to church, which was both a source of great joy and quite difficult, as we struggled to navigate me being resolutely poly and him not being very keen on the idea. We never did quite figure that out, but I think we gave each other a lot of joy as partners for a few years, and as friends since. My marriage to giolla had been going through a rough patch for most of the previous year, and in January he called things off. In retrospect it was the right decision, as we communicated very poorly and despite being convinced at the time that we were soulmates, I don't think we every really understood the other at all, and our ideals and priorities have diverged further and further as time has passed. At the time though I was devastated, and it was a good many years before I really got over him.

After about six years of agonisingly unhealthy on-again off-again set the whole damn world on fire involvement with hjdoom we were in our weird actually being together in a sane non-adulterous way phase, which I think was just too confusing and ended up fizzling out after a few months. Now he's one of my dearest friends, and the world remains not burned to a crisp, which is probably for the best. There were a few FWB and casual flings as well, including I think towards the end of that year first falling into bed with oedipamaas49?

Relationship status now: Stable and delightful! I'm engaged to obandsoller, whom I've been with for a little over seven years. I'm ridiculously lucky - he makes me feel excited and surprised and safe and grounded. He understands me and supports me, loves me deeply flawed though I am, and being with him makes me a better person. We're not quite sure when the wedding will be, as we want to get the house buying out of the way before we start wedding planning, and the house buying is currently on hold whilst we wait for the dust to settle on the housing market in the wake of the EU referendum result. Also if I'm honest, there's a part of me still hoping that if we wait long enough the CoE will get its act together and we'll be able to have a sacramental marriage. I've been delightfully entangled in casual long-distance arrangements with Nathan, leonato, and oedipamaas49 for three, five, and eleven years respectively, and they are all quite quite lovely. I feel as though I have room on my dance card for another local relationship with someone I see more than a handful of times a year, and I'd quite like it if said someone were a lady, but I'm not actively looking.

Occupation then: At the beginning of the year I was still temping, having not been terribly sure what I wanted to do with my life after cocking up my degree, but in April I started my first permanent job as a PA to the CTO of a telecoms company. Said CTO was a really good boss, and very quickly twigged that I had more capability than the average PA, and started giving me interesting projects to do, with lots of opportunities to learn and grow.

Occupation now: Data Analyst, specialising in the HE sector, self-employed, and currently working on a contract with the University of Northampton. I'm applying for permanent jobs a rung or two up the ladder from where I am now, as it's difficult to make that jump whilst remaining a contractor, although there's something faintly depressing about how much of a pay cut I'm likely to have to take in exchange for more responsibility...

Then I lived in: Cambridge, for the first half of the year in Chesterton with deliberateblank and then for the second half of the year in the flat variously known as The Suite, Sapphic or Satyr, Sir Strongtrouser's Lesbian Emporium, the Young Ladies' Seminary for the Taking In of Eccentric Waifs and Strays with helenic and strongtrousers. The landlord was kind of obnoxious, but the household was marvellous, and the parties were superb beyond measure.

Now I live in: London, near Finsbury Park, with obandsoller and robert_jones. Our parties aren't quite so dramatic, but our drinks collection is much better.

Was I happy then? The heartbreak over the end of my marriage was very distressing, but in every other way my life was the best it had ever been and getting better. By then I had pretty much entirely recovered from the mental health problems of my teens and early twenties, and the core of the person I am today was pretty much formed.

Am I happy now? Yes, almost infeasibly so.

Kids then and now: No, and unlikely in the future.

Let me know if you'd like a year.