Sebastian

Oh look, once again it's been forever since I posted. Since my last update I got hit by another rather tough challenge, albeit this time largely self-inflicted, when my application for Belgian residency got turned down because I was a bit late with some of the paperwork. This led to a certain amount of panic, but fortunately I had just enough visa free days left in the EU after my provisional residency card expired that by returning to London and missing the last week of lectures (most of which were fortunately recorded and made available online), and shifting some of my exams around so they were all the same week, I was able to take them all.

I got my results on Wednesday. No perfect 20s this time, but two 19s, two 18s, and four 17s, which gives me almost exactly the same 89% average as the first semester's rather wider spread. The highest accolade available at KU Leuven (summa cum laude, with the congratulations of the examination committee) kicks in at 90%, so I need to slightly up my game next year, but now that I've got a much clearer idea of what's expected of me I think that it should be achievable, especially if I don't have quite so many curveballs to deal with as I did this semester.

One of favourite modules this semester was Syriac II, where instead of an exam we had to produce a portfolio, the largest part of which was a translation of a portion of a text chosen in consultation with the professor. I did a part of the "Syriac History of Joseph", which retells the story of Genesis 37-39 with various additions. I enjoyed doing this sufficiently that, having done the first three pages for my portfolio, I am going to try and do the remaining 16 over the summer. The same professor is teaching Coptic next year, which is not a language I realised I was interested in learning (nor, for that matter, was Syriac), but he's such a great teacher that I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm now back in London for the whole summer, which hadn't been the original plan, but I am enjoying seeing more of obandsoller and looking forward to doing so even more when he emerges from the pile of marking and admin that accompanies the end of term for the teachers, when we students have finished our exams and are enjoying sitting on our laurels...

My shoulder now feels properly healed, and I have started doing the 100 press ups training programme again, as I am clearly now old enough that I need to work at keeping my muscles strong to avoid injury...

I am not yet caught up with the bits of studying that I missed, but I am definitely moving in that direction rather than getting further behind, and it's only two weeks until we get a two week break for Easter, only half of which I have filled up with frivolous things like seeing my favourite people and worshiping God, so the other half can be dedicated to schoolwork.

I really enjoyed tonight's choir rehearsal. Sometimes I feel very self-conscious of my weaknesses as a singer, but sometimes it just comes together and I feel actually almost competent, and tonight was one of those nights. Let's hope it carries through to the service on Sunday!

I think my shoulder is on the mend. I'm not sure whether it's entirely accurate to say that it hurts /less/ today than it did previously, but the quality of the pain is different, and a lot more similar to the ache one gets after exercising, which tells you that the muscles have been used, rather than feeling like a warning that if I move in the wrong way I'd damage it further.

I'm still going to be pretty careful and avoid doing any heavy lifting for the next few days, but I feel much less restricted than I did (and I slept well last night, which is always a marvel.)

2023; 2022; 2021; 2020; 2019;2018; 2017; 2016; 2015; 2014; 2000-2009

Was 2024 a good year for you?
Yes. More than I can begin to express. I am almost embarassed by how good my year has been and how happy I am.

What did you do in 2024 that you'd never done before?
Completed the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius, lived outside the UK, studied theology at university, grew a serious beard, learned semitic languages, went to mass celebrated by the pope,

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year I resolved not to take on too much, and do you know, I pretty much actually managed it. I have been doing A Lot in terms of university work, but I have been really good at resisting the temptation to take on any other responsibilities. This year I intend to continue making the most of the amazing opportunity that this degree is providing.

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Oof, how has it been more than a month since I last posted here? Oh yes, I've been diving headfirst into my studies. I am having a wonderful time, but I've taken on a couple of extra classes, and my schedule is quite full. On one level it does feel as though I don't have any time to do anything other than study and keep up with the basics of life admin and keeping myself healthy. But this doesn't feel like an imposition because I don't really /want/ to do anything other than study. There are a couple of compulsory courses which I would drop if I could because they're mostly covering stuff I already know pretty well, but only because that way I'd have space for more elective modules that would be new to me!

Possibly my favourite taught course is one that I'm attending but not actually being examined on - Syriac, a dialect of Aramaic spoken in some Christian communities from the first century CE, and still used as a liturgical language today. It's not exactly the same language as was spoken by Jesus, and in which parts of the books of Daniel and EstherEzra are written, but close enough to be mutually intelligible. It's also moderately closely related to Hebrew, so the wisdom of trying to learn them both at the same time is perhaps questionable, but at the moment I seem to be getting more re-enforcement than interference. I am also really enjoying both History of the Church: Middle Ages, and Introduction to Islam, both of which are giant fire-hoses of information, but taught by really engaging professors.

As well as the taught courses I'm doing two modules that KU calls seminars, and which make particularly clear the extent to which KU considers the Bachelor as the first step towards a research career. The modules consist of 5-6 classes with content related to a fairly broad topic (in this case, Synodality for the Systematic Theology seminar, and the Books of Kings for the Biblical Studies seminar), after which we'll be mostly left to ourselves to come up with a research question and write a short (~4000 word) paper with intermediate stages of feedback and support throughout the year. At the moment I've got a fairly clear idea of what I want to do with Kings (looking at the roots פלג and קדש and exploring the conceptual space that links sex work and the sacred), whereas for Synodality I've got a vague idea which is more 'book' than '4000 word paper', so I'm going to need to narrow it down somehow.

I am having so much fun you guys. So! Much! Fun!

As some of you have seen, I've just created a new Facebook account. There are two reasons for this, one is that much as I love DW, it's easier to post quickly and frequently on a platform where shorter posts are more the norm, and since I'm going to be getting a lot less in person interaction with people I know well now that I'm living on my own, I think I might benefit from a slightly greater amount of undemanding online socialising than I've become used to. The second is that I'm probably about to start meeting lots of new people, and whilst I have mostly forgotten how one goes about making friends and building community, I seem to remember than having an online presence is pretty helpful, and I imagine that that is even more the case now than it used to be. I added a few people, but then Facebook seems to have decided I might be a spambot, and won't let me add any more for a while, so if you're on there and want to friend me, that'd be neat.

Having said that, I suspect that these days Facebook isn't actually where most peoples' online lives take place, and I suspect I might need some other accounts as well. I am, probably needless to say, not going back to Xwitter. I imagine I might want an Instagram account, although creating one seems to be more difficult than it ought to be, because apparently I did create then delete one at some point in the past, but now I can't recover it, but nor can I open a new one with the same email address. I'm sure I'll figure it out, although I’m not really sure what Instagram is for - is it basically like Facebook, but all posts start with a picture of some kind? I'm fairly sure that I don't want TikTok, or anything else that is primarily video based. And I don't really know what else is out there. I had a tumblr for a while, but the interface drove me batty. I've heard of Mastodon and Bluesky, but I don't really understand what they are. The answer might well be just to wait and see what sort of networks the people I meet tend to use, but maybe that would be weird, if I'm setting up new accounts to link with someone I just met?

Those of you who use social media that isn't DW or Facebook, what do you use, and what do you like and dislike about it? I am only really interested in using them to interact with people I already know in real life, or maybe encountering people whom I can then get to know in real life, rather than getting involved in primarily online communities, and I definitely want to limit my exposure to political discourse, because it tends to be really bad for my mental health.

One thing that came out of my long retreat that I meant to write about here but never got round to was a decision to bring an end to my time at St Luke's. The main reason for this was that although I had never been made to feel anything other than warmly welcomed at St Luke's itself, the leadership of the HTB network have become a lot more explicit and vocal in their homophobia in response to the ongoing work to put into action synod's decision to introduce blessing of same-sex relationships. I was also conscious that I had a bit too much stuff in my life, and needed to ensure I was focusing my energies where they were most needed. And I'd originally told myself I would spend at least six months worshipping at St Luke's, so to leave nearly two years later was reasonable enough.

Everyone was extremely gracious when I told them why I was leaving (which I mostly did by posting to a couple of church WhatsApp groups, although only after I'd emailed the vicar personally with a rather longer explanation), and several people reached out individually asking to stay in touch, or suggesting coffee or drinks, which lead to some really good conversations and some explicit "you've given me real food for thought and open my eyes to things I'd not noticed before" kinds of comments. So I think that I achieved both my aims, that of getting a real heart and bone level understanding of the value of charismatic worship and community, and that of being a clear and visible example of what a happily married queer Christian can look like in practice.

Anyway, in some sense that is all mostly preamble to give context when I now say that last Sunday I went back in order to say an in person goodbye before I leave for Belgium. I was a bit nervous about doing so, but I'm awfully glad I did. I was struck again by the warmth and enthusiasm that everyone there shows for one another - the number of people showing clear delight at seeing me was incredibly touching. It was also a reminder of how much I enjoy singing in church. Not that I don't enjoy playing my recorder at St John's as well, but it's quite different. After the service one of the assistant curates asked if she could pray for me, and I acquiesced. It still feels a little bit odd, standing there whilst people pray out loud with their hands on your shoulder, but much less than it did. And the prayers were lovely and heartfelt, and included specifically asking that my marriage would grow and thrive through the change to being long-distance as Ramesh & I learn new ways of being together, which felt like a tiny "fuck you" to the homophobes from her on my behalf.

And then this Sunday was my last day at St John's; if not necessarily forever, certainly my last time there as a regular member of the congregation for at least a couple of years. It's been more than ten years since I first turned up there, for nearly all of which I've held some position of responsibility or other. So it's quite weird to be moving on. I picked up my cassock and cotta and other bits and pieces, and gave back my keys. Mother Alice gave a lovely, but not too long or embarrassing speech, and also prayed for me, but in rather more formal language, which chimed rather more harmoniously with my heartstrings. I had chosen one of my favourite hymns, "Tell out my Soul" as the final one, and after playing the introduction, I switched to singing, which perfectly expressed the joy and excitement and gratitude with which I am stepping into this new stage in my life.

I keep meaning to write shorter more frequent updates here, but then life gets in the way and suddenly it's been a month and a half and so much has happened that I'm never going to capture all of it in detail.

I went on holiday to France which is several posts all in itself. I started with a few days with just atreic and emperor including a trip to St Emilion where we went on the best vineyard tour I've ever been on by some margin, and a day in Lourdes where I stayed reasonably strong in most of the tat shops, but did bring back a pile of incense as a welcome back gift for Mthr Alice. We then journeyed on to Chateau de Lamostonie where we were joined by the rest of the usual suspects for a week packed with readthroughs, singing, and touristing. We went to Mass at the cathedral in Cahors, where the Bishop had kindly given us exceptional permission to receive communion despite not being Roman Catholics. We had a singthrough of The Threepenny Opera, in which I was playing Polly. This didn't exactly fit with my recentish resolution to spend less time doing challenging singing in front of people, but I was pretty pleased with how it went. There were a few wobbles in some of the later songs, but I absolutely fucking nailed Pirate Jenny.

On Thursday night many of us stayed up pretty late watching the election coverage. Like, I imagine, most people reading this, I was pretty happy about the results. I'm delighted by the gains made by the Lib Dems and the Greens, and the collapse of the Tory vote share. I'm cautiously optimistic about the new Labour government, albeit with major reservations in some areas. I'm a bit worried about the potential for Reform to become a more significant political force. After that Friday was a relatively quiet day, though I then stayed up very late again talking to emperor. This might not have been the wisest choice, but it was very good to have a proper conversation about important stuff. I made the journey home with leonato, who stayed with us for a night so as to break his rather longer journey home, and with him too it was good to have a decent chunk of time to talk with just the two of us.

The Monday after we got back I then had a brief trip to Manchester to have my visa interview, which all went fairly smoothly. I was slightly worried, because they warn that it can take up to 90 days to process the application, which would have been too late for the start of the course, although they also say that it generally only takes 3-6 weeks. I was therefore extremely and pleasantly surprised when the visa actually turned up only four days later. This also meant that I could take a quick trip to Brussels towards the end of July to do some flat-hunting. In the end I only managed to view three flats in person, but that has at least given me a better sense of the market, so I now feel in a position to make offers based on video-call viewings. I fell completely in love with the first flat I saw, but sadly didn't get it, so will have to keep looking, but there seem to be a reasonable number of places that fit my requirements and budget, so I'm not too worried. It's possible at this stage that I won't find somewhere that's available before I start, but it won't be the end of the world if I have to find an airBnB or similar for a few weeks.

I was pretty pleased with how my French held up whilst I was flat-hunting. There was even one point when after explaining something to some other potential tenants in English, the agent then turned to me and said the same thing in French. I'm absolutely certain that it's clear from my accent that I'm not a native speaker, but to have reached the point where if I start in French, at least some people in Brussels don't automatically assume I'd prefer to communicate in English feels like a significant step. I've also now finished the Duolingo Dutch course and feel like I've probably reached around A2 level, which is quite pleasing for the amount of work I've put in, but also feels like the point at which it gets a bit tricky to work out what to do next. I've ordered a textbook that's aimed a bridging the gap between A2 and B1, so we'll see how that goes, and I'm also trying to read fairly easy books in Dutch and watch TV/films with subtitles. Once I get to Belgium, the University language centre offers Dutch lessons to it's students at a reduced price, so I'll be able to sign up for them.

Mthr Alice is back at St John's, and I am delighted by this. Everything just feels so much calmer with her there, and despite still being on recorder-playing duty, I feel much more as though I am able to participate in the mass for myself rather than constantly having to be aware of anything I might need to react to to support other people's worship.

I have now mostly finished my paid work (just a couple of days in August to wrap things up and answer any questions that have come up for the rest of the team in my absence) which feels quite luxurious, especially as other than finding a flat, I think I've now done most of the admin for the move, so I've got a few weeks to really relax before throwing myself into the course. Ramesh has his quieter period at work over the summer, so that gives us a decent amount of time to spend together, which feels important to do before I leave, and other than that I'm probably going to be dedicating much of my time to languages and playing my recorder, and catching up with other people, so if you want to see me before I leave and we don't have anything in the diary yet, now is the time to speak up!

My sister and niece just came over for brunch, and my niece seemed quite fascinated by our musical instruments. Like many toddlers her piano playing leans towards the avant-garde jazz style, but after a few false starts she was starting to get the hang of which end of the recorder you need to blow into to make a sound. Actual fingering of notes may be a way off, but she was having fun, and also seemed to take pleasure in listening to me play, which was reassuring.

Yesterday the new church treasurer came over and I have now handed all the files and logins over to him, which is quite a weight off my shoulders. I suspect I'll still need to be around to answer questions as he starts to get up to speed, but it's good to know that the buck no longer stops with me.

The saga of applying for a visa rumbles on. I've now managed to gather together all the documents I need except one, which should be in the post reasonably soon, but the latest hurdle is actually getting an in person appointment to lodge the application (which is needed because they take fingerprints). As far as I can tell, demand for appointments is just much higher than supply, and despite following the agencies instructions to log in and check morning afternoon and evening for about a month, there have never been any slots available in London. It's now slightly past the point at which I could guarantee that they'll have processed my application within the 90 day window they commit to, although apparently actual turnaround is usually closer to 4-6 weeks if all the documents in order, but I recently realised that there doesn't seem to be quite as much demand for the appointments in Manchester and Edinburgh. Of course, by the time I realised this, the only slots that were available even there were whilst I'm going to be in France, but it does look as though I'll probably be able to book one for the Monday after I get back - hopefully Manchester, but maybe there'll be a day trip all the way to Scotland...

There's been a particular piece of church-accounts related admin that's been hanging over me pretty much since I got back from retreat, and for reasons that are opaque even to me, I've had an enormous ugh field about it, and it's been sitting in the back of my head making me feel guilty about doing anything else, which means my productivity has been horribly low across the board.

And this afternoon I have done it, and doing it has cleared the way for me to handover the rest of the church accounts to the new treasurer, and then none of it will be my problem any more. As with so many of these things that one puts off for months, it wasn't actually that difficult or unpleasant once I actually got started on it, but I'm still feeling a bit drained from psyching myself up to do it, so I shall largely be taking it easy for the rest of the day, and try to make some progress with all the other stuff that it was getting in the way of tomorrow.

I do have a beginners Hebrew class this evening, taught by liv, which I'm pretty excited about. (Unlike Greek, where I'm hoping that I'll be able to jump straight into what would normally be a second year course when I start at Leuven, I'm definitely going to be starting Hebrew from the beginning, but I'd quite like to get to the point where I can at least translate the script into sounds with reasonable fluency before term starts, even if I have very little in terms of grammar and vocabulary).

I was quite pleased with myself at mass this morning. I have been getting a bit lax about preparing the music beforehand, as I'm now feeling a lot more confident about sight-reading, and improvising on the offertory hymn if needed. Occasionally however this leads to me not realising until after I get to church that one of the hymns goes down to a Bb, and I've only brought the soprano recorder with me. So I transposed it up a tone on the fly, and whilst I'm not going to claim zero wrong notes, there were only a couple over five verses. I wouldn't want to do that too often, but I've definitely levelled up a bit in the last few months of playing for services regularly.