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New brain meds and imposter syndrome
Apr. 9th, 2019 04:43 pmAs I think I've already mentioned, I started on new brain meds for ADHD a few weeks ago. The good news is that I'm not noticing any unpleasant side effects. The less good news is that the theraputic effect is so far pretty minimal. I think it's greater than zero, but less than the effect of the Modafinil which I had been buying on the grey market and self-prescribing for the last few years, and came off a week or so before I started on the new meds.
It's really difficult to judge though, because basically what's happening is that I'm finding it harder to get up in the morning, and being more inclined to procrastinate and more forgetful and disorganised, and one part of me is going "yep, those are ADHD symptoms becoming more pronounced" and another part is going "don't be ridiculous, you're just being lazy and rubbish and making excuses for it". It's also the case that since I observed that the new meds are less effective than the moda they seem to have become even less so, and now I can't figure out how much of that is psychosomatic, because it gives me an excuse to be lazy. Ugh. Brains.
I've got an appointment with the specialist on Monday, when I shall be asking her to increase the dose, and I think it's probably sensible to just carry on as I am until then rather than experimenting with taking moda alongside or instead of the new meds. I don't have any major deadlines between now and then, so I can actually get away with being less productive than usual, and should just be reasonably compassionate towards myself for not achieving a huge amount but that's always easier said than done.
It's really difficult to judge though, because basically what's happening is that I'm finding it harder to get up in the morning, and being more inclined to procrastinate and more forgetful and disorganised, and one part of me is going "yep, those are ADHD symptoms becoming more pronounced" and another part is going "don't be ridiculous, you're just being lazy and rubbish and making excuses for it". It's also the case that since I observed that the new meds are less effective than the moda they seem to have become even less so, and now I can't figure out how much of that is psychosomatic, because it gives me an excuse to be lazy. Ugh. Brains.
I've got an appointment with the specialist on Monday, when I shall be asking her to increase the dose, and I think it's probably sensible to just carry on as I am until then rather than experimenting with taking moda alongside or instead of the new meds. I don't have any major deadlines between now and then, so I can actually get away with being less productive than usual, and should just be reasonably compassionate towards myself for not achieving a huge amount but that's always easier said than done.
