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Choosing a new spiritual director...
Nov. 4th, 2020 07:13 amOne of the requirements of my course is that I be in regular spiritual direction myself, and because my previous arrangement had been fairly irregular and casual, with someone who sadly doesn't have the capacity to meet as frequently as the course requires (and, to be honest, as I think I need at the moment, given the depth and rapidity of spiritual development I seem to be going through), I've been looking for a new spiritual director. I've had two introductory meetings so far, one last week(M), one last night(S), and with a third(N) lined up for Friday morning.
After the first meeting with M I was confident that he was someone I'd be happy to be directed by - he was very warm and enthusiastic, and I got an immediate sense that he liked me and cared about my spiritual growth. I had one very small reservation, because when I asked about his experience working with people with ND conditions he seemed very surprised to be told that I was autistic, which made me think I might have to do a certain amount of educating. But to counterbalance that he said explicitly that he would make the effort to learn and would be guided by me, and when I tried to sound him out a bit further by talking about ABA he made the connection to conversion therapy without me having to join the dots.
So I went into the second meeting with S knowing that I already had one viable option, which felt like a comfortable place to be. She was more measured than M, and I didn't get the same instant feeling of being liked, but she was also more meticulous and probing in her questions for me, and she was very explicit about the limitations and boundaries of the SD relationship in a way that I found reassuring. I think that it might take a little longer for me to feel completely comfortable with her than it would with M, but that in the long term she might have more insight and be more able to challenge me in the ways that I need to be challenged.
At the moment, if I were looking for a retreat director then I would be minded to choose M, but for the sort of long term relationship I'm looking for, I'm leaning towards S. Of course, my remaining meeting on Friday may change things entirely - whether because N seems like a better fit for me than either of the others, or just because meeting with her gives me further insight about what I need and reverses my tentative decision.
After the first meeting with M I was confident that he was someone I'd be happy to be directed by - he was very warm and enthusiastic, and I got an immediate sense that he liked me and cared about my spiritual growth. I had one very small reservation, because when I asked about his experience working with people with ND conditions he seemed very surprised to be told that I was autistic, which made me think I might have to do a certain amount of educating. But to counterbalance that he said explicitly that he would make the effort to learn and would be guided by me, and when I tried to sound him out a bit further by talking about ABA he made the connection to conversion therapy without me having to join the dots.
So I went into the second meeting with S knowing that I already had one viable option, which felt like a comfortable place to be. She was more measured than M, and I didn't get the same instant feeling of being liked, but she was also more meticulous and probing in her questions for me, and she was very explicit about the limitations and boundaries of the SD relationship in a way that I found reassuring. I think that it might take a little longer for me to feel completely comfortable with her than it would with M, but that in the long term she might have more insight and be more able to challenge me in the ways that I need to be challenged.
At the moment, if I were looking for a retreat director then I would be minded to choose M, but for the sort of long term relationship I'm looking for, I'm leaning towards S. Of course, my remaining meeting on Friday may change things entirely - whether because N seems like a better fit for me than either of the others, or just because meeting with her gives me further insight about what I need and reverses my tentative decision.
