The London wedding was very different from the Inverness one - both were magical, but London was more stressful. There were so many people, which was wonderful, and made me feel very loved and supported, but I hadn't realised the extent to which it would mean hardly getting to talk to most people.
Once again, the morning was made slightly ridiculous by my determination to do parkrun, plus some last minute logistics involved in getting fizzy wine and glasses to the church. My plan wasn't quite as ridiculous as![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
themidnightgirl's, who joined me along with atreic, robert_jones and my sister, but then went all the way back to Brixton to change before the service. After a brisk and bracing run Robert and I went back home to do most of my personal getting ready, and then off to church for the choir rehearsal (which again, I might be slightly ridiculous for insisting on singing in, but we were short on tenors). After we'd done the anthem I ducked out of the rest of the rehearsal and spent a while flitting around, making sure everything was ready, speaking to obandsoller's family, greeting people as they arrived, and trying not to get too overwhelmed with nerves. About ten minutes before the service started I hid myself away and got into the gown ready to come down the aisle.
Once the service began I felt a lot less nervous. It was different to Inverness because it felt more familiar and because there were a lot more people, and of course the ceremonial was different. In Inverness the Marriage felt like the focus of the ceremony, with the Mass a continuation, whereas in London we were celebrating Mass first and foremost. I really appreciated the willingness of people who are not usually churchgoers sitting through such a long religious service, especially in light of rather less of it being specific to us. Those bits were very special though. One small compensation for not being able to have the marriage in my own church was that we could use our own words in the "vows" section.
We took the words of the declaration and vows from the Inverness ceremony and spoke about what they mean for us in the real world. This is what we said:
I have promised to love you, respect you and to keep faith with you. These are doing words.
I cannot promise to only ever look at you with adoration, but I promise look for the best in you, to praise what is praiseworthy, to acknowledge but not dwell on your flaws, and to treat you with kindness.
I cannot promise never to argue with you, but I promise to approach any disagreements trying to understand you and your position, not just to win the argument.
I cannot promise to have no other priorities than you, but I promise to take our commitment seriously, to make time for you, and to guard against ever taking you for granted.
I have promised to be with you in sorrow and joy, in need and plenty, in frailty and in strength. I cannot know what the future will bring, but let us walk it together, looking in at one another for strength, support and companionship, and holding hands as we look out together, towards the next adventure.
*******
Details of the reception are already slipping away. There was so much going on that I'm not going to be able to write about it all, but here are a few moments or thoughts that stood out.
I was very very pleased with my dress, which got pretty much exactly the reaction I was aiming for.
It was really cool to have the church so full of people, and in particular making a church be a welcoming space for lots of queer and gender-variant people.
Meeting/speaking to Ramesh's friends, warmed to see how loved he is - lots of people told me how lucky I am. (I really really am.) I want to make sure to get to know some of them better.
My speech was a bit of a cop-out, in that I reused quite a lot of the Inverness one, but it seemed to go down fairly well. I was a bit irritated with myself for using "Ladies and gentlemen" - I'd intended to change it to something more inclusive, but it got lost in the to-do list. Zoë's best woman's speech was wonderful and made me cry. I am very very lucky to have such amazing friends.
Generally the venue and caterers did a good job of looking after us. There were a few tiny mistakes, but nothing I would expect to ruin anyone's evening (or even be noticed by most people).
Wilton's was such a beautiful space, and I really enjoyed exploring it and seeing other people reacting to it.
My ridiculous plan to include a piece of queer vaudeville interactive theatre went amazingly well - there's a video that captures the spirit of it here.
Once again, the morning was made slightly ridiculous by my determination to do parkrun, plus some last minute logistics involved in getting fizzy wine and glasses to the church. My plan wasn't quite as ridiculous as
themidnightgirl's, who joined me along with atreic, robert_jones and my sister, but then went all the way back to Brixton to change before the service. After a brisk and bracing run Robert and I went back home to do most of my personal getting ready, and then off to church for the choir rehearsal (which again, I might be slightly ridiculous for insisting on singing in, but we were short on tenors). After we'd done the anthem I ducked out of the rest of the rehearsal and spent a while flitting around, making sure everything was ready, speaking to obandsoller's family, greeting people as they arrived, and trying not to get too overwhelmed with nerves. About ten minutes before the service started I hid myself away and got into the gown ready to come down the aisle.Once the service began I felt a lot less nervous. It was different to Inverness because it felt more familiar and because there were a lot more people, and of course the ceremonial was different. In Inverness the Marriage felt like the focus of the ceremony, with the Mass a continuation, whereas in London we were celebrating Mass first and foremost. I really appreciated the willingness of people who are not usually churchgoers sitting through such a long religious service, especially in light of rather less of it being specific to us. Those bits were very special though. One small compensation for not being able to have the marriage in my own church was that we could use our own words in the "vows" section.
We took the words of the declaration and vows from the Inverness ceremony and spoke about what they mean for us in the real world. This is what we said:
I have promised to love you, respect you and to keep faith with you. These are doing words.
I cannot promise to only ever look at you with adoration, but I promise look for the best in you, to praise what is praiseworthy, to acknowledge but not dwell on your flaws, and to treat you with kindness.
I cannot promise never to argue with you, but I promise to approach any disagreements trying to understand you and your position, not just to win the argument.
I cannot promise to have no other priorities than you, but I promise to take our commitment seriously, to make time for you, and to guard against ever taking you for granted.
I have promised to be with you in sorrow and joy, in need and plenty, in frailty and in strength. I cannot know what the future will bring, but let us walk it together, looking in at one another for strength, support and companionship, and holding hands as we look out together, towards the next adventure.
*******
Details of the reception are already slipping away. There was so much going on that I'm not going to be able to write about it all, but here are a few moments or thoughts that stood out.
I was very very pleased with my dress, which got pretty much exactly the reaction I was aiming for.
It was really cool to have the church so full of people, and in particular making a church be a welcoming space for lots of queer and gender-variant people.
Meeting/speaking to Ramesh's friends, warmed to see how loved he is - lots of people told me how lucky I am. (I really really am.) I want to make sure to get to know some of them better.
My speech was a bit of a cop-out, in that I reused quite a lot of the Inverness one, but it seemed to go down fairly well. I was a bit irritated with myself for using "Ladies and gentlemen" - I'd intended to change it to something more inclusive, but it got lost in the to-do list. Zoë's best woman's speech was wonderful and made me cry. I am very very lucky to have such amazing friends.
Generally the venue and caterers did a good job of looking after us. There were a few tiny mistakes, but nothing I would expect to ruin anyone's evening (or even be noticed by most people).
Wilton's was such a beautiful space, and I really enjoyed exploring it and seeing other people reacting to it.
My ridiculous plan to include a piece of queer vaudeville interactive theatre went amazingly well - there's a video that captures the spirit of it here.
