Taking on too much, and anticipatory anxiety

[wildeabandon]

Next year is going to be A Lot(tm). A combination of circumstances mean that my church responsibilities have recently expanded considerably, and are about to expand still further over the coming months. Both the other churchwarden and the treasurer stood down at the last annual meeting, and there wasn't really anyone else to take on the mantles, so I'm now wearing all three hats, as well as informally head server.

The vicar will be going on maternity leave at the end of September, and although we will have interim clergy, I'll probably need to do a fair amount of co-ordinating and keeping things going. We're also in the process of merging with a neighbouring parish, St Thomas', which is exciting, and in the long term should lead to there being more people to share the load, but in the period where we're still operating as two separate entities is going to generate more work for all of us.

And there's the whole question of figuring out how what we look like as a community has changed over the course of the pandemic - by now about two thirds of the in-person congregation are people who started worshipping with us during covid-times, so the atmosphere has changed considerably, and I'm not sure how people who have been staying away will feel about that when/if they come back. And there's all these new people whom I've not been able to get to know because we haven't had the usual kind of post-mass socialising, plus a whole bunch of new people from St Thomas', and you all know how getting to know large groups of people is my favourite activity.

And soon there's going to be the question of bringing back church music, and I'm conscious that the unfortunate combination of the lesson with the Mean Singing Teacher being followed too soon for me to have fully gotten back on the horse by not being able to sing with other people for many months means that my level of anxiety around singing in front of people has regressed by several years.

As well as the immediate church stuff, there's Encounter, my spiritual direction course. I'll get a bit of a break over the summer, but when it starts again in October I'm getting the impression that year two is going to be more intense and demanding.

Oh, and we're shortly going to be embarking on a fairly major building project which will definitely involve quite a lot of decisions and project management, and will probably also involve temporarily moving out.

Each time I realised I was adding something else to my plate I told myself, "It'll be okay, it's only for a year and then things will calm down. You can manage a year." But I am a bit worried that I've taken on too much, and between that and other things taking up my emotional energy at the moment, I'm not doing nearly as much as I should be in the calm before the storm to get ahead and reduce the impact when things really do get hectic. I'm really hoping that I can get a bit of that emotional energy back in the next couple of months and make some inroads.

Comments

[bella_luugosi]

That is a Lot. If it helps, you are definitely one of the people I think of as capable (and copeable, I guess?) and I do think you'll rise to all the challenges before you.

[I appreciate that "I think of you as x..." means little to nothing when your brain and your lived experience is pushing the yz narrative, so take or leave that as you need.]

On the singing point - personally, I love hearing you sing, you are one of my favourite memories of Francegour Jesus Christ Superstar. And I look forward to singing with you again, but when you're comfortable is the most important thing about that future.

I have a lot of faith that you can get through all the things that are in the immediate road, even with Life doing its bullshit Life Stuff at you. I do think it's really important to keep reaching out, though, just like you have done, so we can support you as best we can. And if and when it does become Too Much, then again, speaking up is the most important thing (and probably, to be fair, the hardest) because you're a person, and people will let you lead so long as you're projecting that you can cope, but when you need support it can be surprising how many people are willing to step up that didn't seem like they were.

As always, you are in my heart and prayers and if you ever need a vent, we're right here. So much love xxx

[sfred]

That is a really lot! You are allowed to say that it's too much and back out of some if you need to.

[mtbc]

Good luck with identifying and roping in those more people to share the load. Just because you're still wearing a hat doesn't mean you have to do it all by yourself.