Fragile

[wildeabandon]

I'm somewhat fragile at the moment. A combination of some difficult personal/emotional stuff recently, and impending uncertainty about job and house means that I am more than usually anxious, and starting to suffer (very mild) depressive symptoms. The good news is that I've caught it early and should be able to turn it around/stop it getting worse, but it's still a bit meh. If you are so inclined, somethings that might help are:

• Saying nice things about me. Specific is good, as it's easier for the lizard-brain to believe. Right now is good, but also good would be spontaneously doing so at some point in the next 3-4 months, as it generally gives a short term boost and then goes away again.
• Letting me know about any jobs I might be interested in - ideally project management in Higher Education, but anything that involves the intersection of technology and people is good, and I'd consider most sectors other than finance.
• Arrange to see me for things that don't involve much drinking, being around large numbers of people, or spending lots of money. Arranging to cook and eat together, either at my place or yours, would be especially lovely. I may need to be chased slightly more than I usually would, but that's very likely to be due to the state of my head, rather than not wanting to see people.

I am basically coping, so there's no need to worry about me, but feel free to be extra nice to me for the next few months.

Comments

[merrythebard]

Much sympathy, and hugs if you would like them.

It was lovely to see you at Bardcamp. You injected a calm, kind friendliness into everything. Also an infectious laugh, and tasty things. :-) Oh, and your performance as Edmund still makes me grin!

Also, I am so deeply impressed with how gracefully and sanely you are managing what sounds like a really hard situation. I have so much respect for that, and for your emotional skillfulness generally (not least in writing this post).

I think I would be a bit too intimidated to cook with you! That is my Stuff, I admit. ;-) It would be very nice to see you, though. Some things I would enjoy doing with you, if they are appealing: short walks/explores in Epping Forest, small-group afternoon readthroughs, small-group afternoon folk afternoons.

Shall definitely give you a heads-up if any job things come on to my radar.

Thinking of you. xx

[wildeabandon]

Thank you :)

I think that whilst I'm feeling more comfortable/confident musically, it's still scary enough that combining it with my currently heightened anxiety levels might not be good, but small readthroughs and short walks sound good.

[(Anonymous)]

hey! Was really lovely to see you for lunch, and spoons/cope permitting, I would definitely like do some meeting up again.

Also: cooking and eating at home is pretty much one of my favourite things ever, so if you're ok with veggie, am very happy to come to you (spoons permitting, can you tell how BORED i am of this ;) ) or have you over here. I have my own kitchen/separate space *and* access to big shared kitchen, depending on what we fancied.

x

[(Anonymous)]

gah lack of edit.

Also things I do need to be cheap pretty much always and I'm booze-free.

[wildeabandon]

Given the spoon thing, it probably makes more sense for me to come to you, and I'm very happy to cook/eat veggie. Want to suggest some dates that work for you?

Wishing you better times ahead

[(Anonymous)]

Hi Sebastian,

Roger L (ex Sepura) here wishing you well. As my son suffered quite badly from depression I understand how you might be feeling. It is the pits, but keep telling yourself it's a brain chemistry thing and you will be OK soon again with a bit of help and support, probably medical and talking type support.

Just remember you have a good brain, you are honest with yourself, have a good circle of friends who care about and for you and will come through this OK.

Spring will soon be here: sunshine, spring flowers, lambs, new hope.

All the very best
Roger x

Re: Wishing you better times ahead

[wildeabandon]

Thanks Roger - that's a very kind comment ,and I am very much looking forward to spring. I think I should be able to turn this one around without professional help, but I know the option is there if I need it. (I spent most of my teens in and out of hospital with a far more severe depression, which was absolutely awful, but does mean that these days I have a lot of coping strategies, and can see the warning signals which mean I need to use them very early on.)

[bunnypip]

probably not specific enough, but I think you're great and I find you pleasant and interesting company.

More specifically: you have been consistently welcoming and hospitable when I have been at your home, even though I have usually been there as a hanger-on of somebody else and have invariably been gauche and/or put my foot in it in some way. You're also kind and supportive of me in my various on-line places, which is greatly appreciated.

I'm quite happy to arrange some kind of low-key hanging out, quite possibly food and cooking related. M and I aren't such lushes that we can't do that without the booze ;-)

This post is wise, as are you. *passes suitable comfort item and hot beverage of choice*

[shreena]

Oh, no, poor you!

I would love to cook together sometime - but am not sure when. I will look at calendars and things and stuff and send you some potential dates.

I was looking at photos from Bardcamp the other day and my main thought was, "Why haven't I seen Sebastian in so long? Sebastian is awesome."