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I'm not sure if there's anyone reading this who doesn't know that I'm trans, but, well, now there definitely isn't.
I decided a few years ago to go non-disclosing, because as far as I'm concerned it's a minor detail of my medical history that people don't really need to know, and I felt more comfortable if I wasn't always having to wonder if people accepted me as a man, or if every bit of gender-non-conformity would be seen as evidence that I'm not really. But you know what, fuck that. This is a public post. I am re-outing myself, and giving general permission for people to disclose on my behalf.
So between JK Rowling making her position unambiguously clear, and the leak to the Sunday Times about shelving the reforms to the Gender Recognition Act, and instead bringing in new restrictions on single-sex spaces, it's felt like there's been quite a lot of transphobia sloshing around this week.
I'm slightly surprised by how personal it feels. I mean, I'm not really the target - the rhetoric is aimed squarely at trans women, and to the extent that afab trans people are recognised at all it's as deluded children who are brainwashed into transitioning in order to avoid homophobia or because they have male-coded interests (to which my middle-aged, married to another man, knitting, baking, make-up wearing self arches a querying eyebrow). And I'm unlikely to even get caught in the splash damage. I've already jumped through all the legal hoops, and I'm pretty sure the chance of me getting read as trans is pretty low even in queer spaces, falling to approximately zero in the wider world.
And there are a lot of people, including people I love very much, who are likely to be materially impacted, so it seems a bit self-centered to be dwelling on how I feel about it. But honestly, it feels pretty grim. The reminders that there are an awful lot of people who believe wholeheartedly that no matter how much I change my body and for how long society reacts to me as a man, that I'll somehow still be a woman. It's not fun, and I try to ignore it, but I can't stop it taking up space in my brain.
And it doesn't help that I was expecting to have got to the end of the waiting list for the second stage of my phalloplasty sometime around a couple of months ago, and of course the NHS has other priorities at the moment, but I have no idea now how much longer that means it's likely to be, and I am Not Good(tm) at dealing with uncertainty, so the dysphoria, which had mostly been fairly quiet, is now flaring, and it's not a great combination.
I decided a few years ago to go non-disclosing, because as far as I'm concerned it's a minor detail of my medical history that people don't really need to know, and I felt more comfortable if I wasn't always having to wonder if people accepted me as a man, or if every bit of gender-non-conformity would be seen as evidence that I'm not really. But you know what, fuck that. This is a public post. I am re-outing myself, and giving general permission for people to disclose on my behalf.
So between JK Rowling making her position unambiguously clear, and the leak to the Sunday Times about shelving the reforms to the Gender Recognition Act, and instead bringing in new restrictions on single-sex spaces, it's felt like there's been quite a lot of transphobia sloshing around this week.
I'm slightly surprised by how personal it feels. I mean, I'm not really the target - the rhetoric is aimed squarely at trans women, and to the extent that afab trans people are recognised at all it's as deluded children who are brainwashed into transitioning in order to avoid homophobia or because they have male-coded interests (to which my middle-aged, married to another man, knitting, baking, make-up wearing self arches a querying eyebrow). And I'm unlikely to even get caught in the splash damage. I've already jumped through all the legal hoops, and I'm pretty sure the chance of me getting read as trans is pretty low even in queer spaces, falling to approximately zero in the wider world.
And there are a lot of people, including people I love very much, who are likely to be materially impacted, so it seems a bit self-centered to be dwelling on how I feel about it. But honestly, it feels pretty grim. The reminders that there are an awful lot of people who believe wholeheartedly that no matter how much I change my body and for how long society reacts to me as a man, that I'll somehow still be a woman. It's not fun, and I try to ignore it, but I can't stop it taking up space in my brain.
And it doesn't help that I was expecting to have got to the end of the waiting list for the second stage of my phalloplasty sometime around a couple of months ago, and of course the NHS has other priorities at the moment, but I have no idea now how much longer that means it's likely to be, and I am Not Good(tm) at dealing with uncertainty, so the dysphoria, which had mostly been fairly quiet, is now flaring, and it's not a great combination.
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Date: 2020-06-16 04:52 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-06-16 05:50 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-06-16 05:13 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-06-16 05:50 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-06-16 06:29 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-06-16 06:38 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-06-16 07:08 pm (UTC)From:If it helps, there are a lot of people who believe wholeheartedly that trans men are men and trans women are women, and are writing to the PM about it right now.
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Date: 2020-06-16 07:13 pm (UTC)From:I wish you fortitude with the zeitgeist, and as much Chill as can be mustered with respect to Uncertainty.
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Date: 2020-06-16 09:14 pm (UTC)From:I'm hoping that the rumours of bathroom bills or similar in the Sunday Times will turn out to be just so much Sunday Times froth, but even so dropping the GRA is awful, and the fact that worse can even be suggested shows things are grim. :-(
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Date: 2020-06-16 09:28 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-06-17 12:37 pm (UTC)From:Sending you many Solidarity Bunnys
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Date: 2020-06-17 02:08 pm (UTC)From:(Not a very useful comment, but meant massively)
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Date: 2020-06-17 02:18 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-06-17 02:22 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-06-18 11:40 am (UTC)From:I'm sorry especially that the dysphoria is flaring. That is Not Fun. I hope you get an update on the waiting list situation soon and that the timing is also Soon.