God of Surprises...

[wildeabandon]

You may recall that about a month ago I talked to my spiritual director about being, in some sense, an atheist? He recommended the book God of Surprises as reading material that might help me process the tension of belief and unbelief.

Well, I certainly can't accuse it of false advertising in the title. I, er, appear not to be an atheist any more. Which is unexpected, to say the least. This evening has been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster, and I'm now feeling a little weepy and a lot overwhelmed. Prayers from those of you that do would be appreciated.

Comments

[bunnypip]

much love and prayers.

Also hugs if wanted, especially for the overwhelmedness xx

[wildeabandon]

Thank you. Hugs from you very much appreciated - I imagine you have a rather more visceral and personal understanding of what I'm experiencing than most would.

[bunnypip]

I think it's different in that I tried really, really hard not to believe but it wouldn't ever properly go away and even when I tried believing other things instead they kept translating themselves back in my head. But even having said that, when I first started going to church again regularly, believing still sometimes felt like something I'd consciously decided to do and I don't get those feelings as much any more.

But weepy and overwhelmed I can absolutely relate to xx

*more hugs*

[wildeabandon]

I had a long phase of trying very hard to ignore the bits of me that were drawn to belief before I accepted that my life was just better if the Church was part of it. But yes, it was the being overwhelmed by God that I was particularly referencing. This stuff is big, and we are very small.

[bunnypip]

*much nodding*

And yet apparently we're still worth bothering with. It's not surprising it's overwhelming really.