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Was 2019 a good year for you?
Much like the last couple of years, it has been much better for me personally than it has for the world in general. Unlike the preceeding few years, parts of it have been pretty difficult, although the high points have been very high indeed, so it still comes out as an excellent year. And the difficult stuff has generally been of the "oh look, another fucking opportunity for growth" variety than anything straightforwardly bad - I've been doing and expect to continue doing quite a lot of emotional and psychological work, but I think it's going to start paying dividends that will last a lot longer than the difficulties.
What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?
Got married in the eyes of God and the law. Became a godparent. Got an autism diagnosis. *censored* Probably some other stuff too, but those were the big ones.
Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't have new years resolutions per se. I had a set of goals for the year, and made good progress against some of them, less so with others, but at the end of September put them aside and switched to quarterly goals instead. I'll be reviewing the first quarter of that in a seperate post.
Did someone close to you give birth?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
halojedha, shreena and taimatsu. Lots of exciting small people!
Did anyone close to you die?
Not to me. Ramesh's grandmother died a few days after we got back from honeymoon, so I was very glad to have been able to meet her in the lead up to and at the wedding, but I didn't really have a relationship with her.
What countries did you visit?
Wales (on retreat), Germany (to seedanohu, Scotland (for the first part of the wedding), the Czech Republic, Austria, and Poland (on honeymoon). We did bits of the honeymoon by train, so I think possibly also Slovakia on a technicality, but that doesn't really count.
What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
*gestures despairingly at the political landscape*
On a personal level, I would like to feel a bit more sure of the direction I'm going in, and a bit less overwhelmed. The first half of the year was very much dominated first by surgery and then wedding stuff, and those were both big positive events, but meant putting a lot of other things on hold. Since getting back from honeymoon there's been a rather unrelenting onslaught of things for me to react to, which hasn't really left any space for taking stock and reflecting and planning, and I could really do with some of that sooner or later.
What events from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My weddings, obviously, and indeed the honeymoon. My retreat at St Beuno's was an important moment on my faith journey. My goddaughter's baptism was pretty incredible. At the momentleonato breaking up with me is looming rather large in my emotional landscape, but that was only a fortnight ago, so will probably become less salient as time passes.
What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Well, I threw a couple of pretty amazing parties ;) Other than that though, I think it's been a year of lots of small successes rather than a few big ones. I've made a lot of progress musically, and bounced back from a vocal coach telling me I can't sing without letting it damage my confidence too much. I've had a rewarding and successful professional year. I've spent really good quality time with lots of people who are important to me. I've contributed to parish life at St John's in various ways but without pushing myself close to the risk of burnout. I've learned new skills and developed ones I already have. I've completely given up using Facebook and Twitter.
What was your biggest failure(s)?
I'm not entirely sure. I didn't throw nearly enough dinner parties? I made a rather thoughtless and selfish request of a few friends and took a couple of days to realise that it was unreasonable and withdraw it. I've let myself get quite behind in my personal correspondance in the last few weeks, and I still haven't finished writing about the honeymoon.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had major surgery in May, and the recovery from that was quite challenging (although I'm fortunate to be in good enough general health that it was much quicker and easier than the surgeons predicted.) It was the first part of a three part operation, and I'm still waiting to hear about a date for the second part.
I also received an autism diagnosis, and although this is a recognition of a lifelong condition rather than something new, that recognition has had a very real and current impact on my mental health. Not in a bad way, as I indicated earlier, but definitely in a "whelp, got some work to do now" way. I'd been starting to do this work by myself, in conversations in this space, and with friends and my confessor in real life, but have realised that I need something a bit more than that, and have an initial appointment with a therapist the week after next, so we'll see how that goes.
What was the best thing you bought?
Weddings :) Theatre tickets.
Where did most of your money go?
Wedding, mortgage, restaurants. Embarrassingly little charity this year, but I will get that caught up before the end of my financial year.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I feel like I'm getting a bit repetitive here - it's almost as though this year was thoroughly dominated by one or two big events! As well as the wedding I got excited about (the results of) surgery and Thronescamp and Walk & Squawk andhjdoom and my goddaughter's respective baptisms and St John's Singers and leonato and knitting and my Inconvenient Crush(tm)
Compared to this time last year, are you...
i. Happier or sadder? Hrm. It's a bit complicated. At the moment I'm probably a little sadder, because of the combination of the recent breakup and my emotional reserves being generally depleted after the last few months of A Lot(tm). But I still feel as though the fundamentals - the deep-rootedness of my sense of self, my capacity to recognise and experience joy, the richness and warmth of my friendships and relationships, my openness to the outpouring of God's love for me - just continue to grow and grow.
ii. Richer or poorer? Slightly richer, but not very much - weddings are expensive!
iii. Healthier or iller? Perhaps a little healthier, but much the same.
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hosting dinner parties. Other than that I feel like I did a pretty good job this year of spending time on the things that give me genuine pleasure.
What do you wish you'd done less of?
Futzing around on Facebook/Twitter in the first 9 months of the year. Comparing myself to other people.
How did you spend Christmas?
At my parents' house in Yorkshire, with them and my two sisters. Both my youngest sister and I were following that age old tradition of spending our first married Christmas apart from our spouses! (obandsoller decided he was just really in need of a few days of doing nothing by himself, and Sarah's husband was with his parents in Canada).
Last night we had our House Christmas, a now long-standing tradition in the years when we're not hosting Christmas Day itself. We were joined as usual bythemidnightgirl, cm, and my sister Anne, and for the first time by her new boyfriend, Jonny, and by Sarah, who is still in the UK for another couple of days.
How was your religious year?
Less intense than last year, but nourishing and good. My retreat at St Beuno's at the beginning of the year was an important moment. There's been a certain amount of Stuff(tm) about any possible priestly vocation, but I'd mostly decided to put that to one side until after the wedding. Since then it's been very quiet, and I think if I did have one it would be getting louder now that it's been made impossible, but instead I've been feeling the pull towards lay readership getting stronger. That is still complicated by the marriage, and investigating what might be open to me there is fairly high on the to-do list for 2020.
Did you fall in love in 2019?
Not with anyone new, although I continued to fall deeper and deeper with Ramesh (good), and Mark (not unambiguously good, it turns out).
How many one-night stands?
Sort-of-one, for the first time in many years, which was an awful lot of fun, and made much less scary by being with a beloved and trusted friend. But it only sort of counts as a one-night stand since we've got another date in the diary during January.
How has your romantic life been generally
Mostly very good. Have I mentioned the wedding? I am very much enjoying being married. Unsurprisingly, after more than a decade together, in many ways it's not that different from being engaged was. But I do feel more committed, and I think I am making more effort and having more success at being a good partner.
I also had some lovely sparkly times with Dan and Nathan, who remain delightful and charming and very easy to be around.
There were some exquisitely joyful moments with Mark throughout the year, and whilst the memories are a little tinged with sadness right now, they are still beautiful. I tell you what though, it is a bit exasperating, because I do feel that the shape of my life fits best when I have one serious-but-not-primary relationship. And now if I want that I'm going to have to venture back into the world of dating, which I had hoped never to have to do again. Ugh. Probably not anytime soon mind, as I really don't have the time for it at the moment.
Around last Christmas I developed an Inconvenient Crush. Said crush is less inconvenient now that we no longer have a semi-professional relationship, but although we have developed quite an intense friendship in relatively little time spent together, I get the impression that she is fundamentally not poly, so even if she is attracted to me (and I find it very difficult to judge) it probably wouldn't be a good idea to do anything about it. But I am enjoying the friendship immensely, and the butterflies that accompany seeing her are a nice bonus.
What is the best thing you created in 2019?
I was very very pleased with the theatrical shenanigans at the London wedding. Obviously that was created by a whole team of artists far more talented than me (*waves atmarcus*), but I had the original idea and started the ball rolling.
What was your favourite TV program?
Good Omens
What were the best books you read?
God of Surprises by Gerald Hughes and Why Go to Church: The Drama of the Eucharist by Timothy Radcliffe
What were your favourite musical discoveries this year?
I'm not sure whether it really counts as a musical discovery, but the choreographer Kate Prince.
What did you want and get?
A husband, opportunities to sing, a successful operation and recovery, an interesting and flexible professional role
What did you want and not get?
*gestures despairingly at the political landscape*
What was/were your favourite film/s and plays this year?
I've hardly seen any films this year, but lots of excellent theatre. Highlights were Richard II at the Globe, Emilia at the Vaudeville, (somewhat to my surprise) King John at the RSC, Some Like It Hip Hop at the Peacock, The Marriage of Figaro at the Joseph Rowntree Theatre, Die Zauberflaute at the Vienna Volksoper
What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I was working in Huddersfield, so my parents took me out for dinner on the day itself, Mark did so the next day, and Ramesh at the weekend. I was 38.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
It's all gone a bit Steve Jobs. I've basically been living in skinny jeans and turtleneck tops, although the tops do occasionally venture into purple/green/burgundy. Mostly black though, let's be honest.
Who and what kept you sane?
I think I mostly continue to not only keep myself sane but grow more and more mentally healthy. But I am sustained and supported by my many wonderful loved ones and by God and the church.
What political issue(s) stirred you the most?
My answer from last year still applies. "I get horrified when I think about politics too much, and perhaps it's wrong of me to react to this by not thinking about it, but I don't know that forcing myself to look would actually help very much, so I don't."
Who did you miss?
The usual suspects.
Who was the best new person you met?
Doesmiss_s_b count? It seems like cheating when we've known each other online for probably close to a decade, but this year was the first time we met in meatspace.
Have you changed your hairstyle?
I've been growing it all year, and it's now only an inch or two short of the length I plan to keep it at.
What are you looking forward to most in 2020?
Continuing to settle into being married; getting back to a slightly more stable emotional state; going back to St Beuno's for a longer silent retreat in February; Thronescamp; Francegour.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019?
I'm allowed to never go to parties.
Was 2019 a good year for you?
Much like the last couple of years, it has been much better for me personally than it has for the world in general. Unlike the preceeding few years, parts of it have been pretty difficult, although the high points have been very high indeed, so it still comes out as an excellent year. And the difficult stuff has generally been of the "oh look, another fucking opportunity for growth" variety than anything straightforwardly bad - I've been doing and expect to continue doing quite a lot of emotional and psychological work, but I think it's going to start paying dividends that will last a lot longer than the difficulties.
What did you do in 2019 that you'd never done before?
Got married in the eyes of God and the law. Became a godparent. Got an autism diagnosis. *censored* Probably some other stuff too, but those were the big ones.
Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't have new years resolutions per se. I had a set of goals for the year, and made good progress against some of them, less so with others, but at the end of September put them aside and switched to quarterly goals instead. I'll be reviewing the first quarter of that in a seperate post.
Did someone close to you give birth?
halojedha, shreena and taimatsu. Lots of exciting small people!Did anyone close to you die?
Not to me. Ramesh's grandmother died a few days after we got back from honeymoon, so I was very glad to have been able to meet her in the lead up to and at the wedding, but I didn't really have a relationship with her.
What countries did you visit?
Wales (on retreat), Germany (to see
danohu, Scotland (for the first part of the wedding), the Czech Republic, Austria, and Poland (on honeymoon). We did bits of the honeymoon by train, so I think possibly also Slovakia on a technicality, but that doesn't really count.What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?
*gestures despairingly at the political landscape*
On a personal level, I would like to feel a bit more sure of the direction I'm going in, and a bit less overwhelmed. The first half of the year was very much dominated first by surgery and then wedding stuff, and those were both big positive events, but meant putting a lot of other things on hold. Since getting back from honeymoon there's been a rather unrelenting onslaught of things for me to react to, which hasn't really left any space for taking stock and reflecting and planning, and I could really do with some of that sooner or later.
What events from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My weddings, obviously, and indeed the honeymoon. My retreat at St Beuno's was an important moment on my faith journey. My goddaughter's baptism was pretty incredible. At the moment
leonato breaking up with me is looming rather large in my emotional landscape, but that was only a fortnight ago, so will probably become less salient as time passes.What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Well, I threw a couple of pretty amazing parties ;) Other than that though, I think it's been a year of lots of small successes rather than a few big ones. I've made a lot of progress musically, and bounced back from a vocal coach telling me I can't sing without letting it damage my confidence too much. I've had a rewarding and successful professional year. I've spent really good quality time with lots of people who are important to me. I've contributed to parish life at St John's in various ways but without pushing myself close to the risk of burnout. I've learned new skills and developed ones I already have. I've completely given up using Facebook and Twitter.
What was your biggest failure(s)?
I'm not entirely sure. I didn't throw nearly enough dinner parties? I made a rather thoughtless and selfish request of a few friends and took a couple of days to realise that it was unreasonable and withdraw it. I've let myself get quite behind in my personal correspondance in the last few weeks, and I still haven't finished writing about the honeymoon.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had major surgery in May, and the recovery from that was quite challenging (although I'm fortunate to be in good enough general health that it was much quicker and easier than the surgeons predicted.) It was the first part of a three part operation, and I'm still waiting to hear about a date for the second part.
I also received an autism diagnosis, and although this is a recognition of a lifelong condition rather than something new, that recognition has had a very real and current impact on my mental health. Not in a bad way, as I indicated earlier, but definitely in a "whelp, got some work to do now" way. I'd been starting to do this work by myself, in conversations in this space, and with friends and my confessor in real life, but have realised that I need something a bit more than that, and have an initial appointment with a therapist the week after next, so we'll see how that goes.
What was the best thing you bought?
Weddings :) Theatre tickets.
Where did most of your money go?
Wedding, mortgage, restaurants. Embarrassingly little charity this year, but I will get that caught up before the end of my financial year.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I feel like I'm getting a bit repetitive here - it's almost as though this year was thoroughly dominated by one or two big events! As well as the wedding I got excited about (the results of) surgery and Thronescamp and Walk & Squawk and
hjdoom and my goddaughter's respective baptisms and St John's Singers and leonato and knitting and my Inconvenient Crush(tm)Compared to this time last year, are you...
i. Happier or sadder? Hrm. It's a bit complicated. At the moment I'm probably a little sadder, because of the combination of the recent breakup and my emotional reserves being generally depleted after the last few months of A Lot(tm). But I still feel as though the fundamentals - the deep-rootedness of my sense of self, my capacity to recognise and experience joy, the richness and warmth of my friendships and relationships, my openness to the outpouring of God's love for me - just continue to grow and grow.
ii. Richer or poorer? Slightly richer, but not very much - weddings are expensive!
iii. Healthier or iller? Perhaps a little healthier, but much the same.
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hosting dinner parties. Other than that I feel like I did a pretty good job this year of spending time on the things that give me genuine pleasure.
What do you wish you'd done less of?
Futzing around on Facebook/Twitter in the first 9 months of the year. Comparing myself to other people.
How did you spend Christmas?
At my parents' house in Yorkshire, with them and my two sisters. Both my youngest sister and I were following that age old tradition of spending our first married Christmas apart from our spouses! (
obandsoller decided he was just really in need of a few days of doing nothing by himself, and Sarah's husband was with his parents in Canada). Last night we had our House Christmas, a now long-standing tradition in the years when we're not hosting Christmas Day itself. We were joined as usual by
themidnightgirl, cm, and my sister Anne, and for the first time by her new boyfriend, Jonny, and by Sarah, who is still in the UK for another couple of days.How was your religious year?
Less intense than last year, but nourishing and good. My retreat at St Beuno's at the beginning of the year was an important moment. There's been a certain amount of Stuff(tm) about any possible priestly vocation, but I'd mostly decided to put that to one side until after the wedding. Since then it's been very quiet, and I think if I did have one it would be getting louder now that it's been made impossible, but instead I've been feeling the pull towards lay readership getting stronger. That is still complicated by the marriage, and investigating what might be open to me there is fairly high on the to-do list for 2020.
Did you fall in love in 2019?
Not with anyone new, although I continued to fall deeper and deeper with Ramesh (good), and Mark (not unambiguously good, it turns out).
How many one-night stands?
Sort-of-one, for the first time in many years, which was an awful lot of fun, and made much less scary by being with a beloved and trusted friend. But it only sort of counts as a one-night stand since we've got another date in the diary during January.
How has your romantic life been generally
Mostly very good. Have I mentioned the wedding? I am very much enjoying being married. Unsurprisingly, after more than a decade together, in many ways it's not that different from being engaged was. But I do feel more committed, and I think I am making more effort and having more success at being a good partner.
I also had some lovely sparkly times with Dan and Nathan, who remain delightful and charming and very easy to be around.
There were some exquisitely joyful moments with Mark throughout the year, and whilst the memories are a little tinged with sadness right now, they are still beautiful. I tell you what though, it is a bit exasperating, because I do feel that the shape of my life fits best when I have one serious-but-not-primary relationship. And now if I want that I'm going to have to venture back into the world of dating, which I had hoped never to have to do again. Ugh. Probably not anytime soon mind, as I really don't have the time for it at the moment.
Around last Christmas I developed an Inconvenient Crush. Said crush is less inconvenient now that we no longer have a semi-professional relationship, but although we have developed quite an intense friendship in relatively little time spent together, I get the impression that she is fundamentally not poly, so even if she is attracted to me (and I find it very difficult to judge) it probably wouldn't be a good idea to do anything about it. But I am enjoying the friendship immensely, and the butterflies that accompany seeing her are a nice bonus.
What is the best thing you created in 2019?
I was very very pleased with the theatrical shenanigans at the London wedding. Obviously that was created by a whole team of artists far more talented than me (*waves at
marcus*), but I had the original idea and started the ball rolling.What was your favourite TV program?
Good Omens
What were the best books you read?
God of Surprises by Gerald Hughes and Why Go to Church: The Drama of the Eucharist by Timothy Radcliffe
What were your favourite musical discoveries this year?
I'm not sure whether it really counts as a musical discovery, but the choreographer Kate Prince.
What did you want and get?
A husband, opportunities to sing, a successful operation and recovery, an interesting and flexible professional role
What did you want and not get?
*gestures despairingly at the political landscape*
What was/were your favourite film/s and plays this year?
I've hardly seen any films this year, but lots of excellent theatre. Highlights were Richard II at the Globe, Emilia at the Vaudeville, (somewhat to my surprise) King John at the RSC, Some Like It Hip Hop at the Peacock, The Marriage of Figaro at the Joseph Rowntree Theatre, Die Zauberflaute at the Vienna Volksoper
What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I was working in Huddersfield, so my parents took me out for dinner on the day itself, Mark did so the next day, and Ramesh at the weekend. I was 38.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
It's all gone a bit Steve Jobs. I've basically been living in skinny jeans and turtleneck tops, although the tops do occasionally venture into purple/green/burgundy. Mostly black though, let's be honest.
Who and what kept you sane?
I think I mostly continue to not only keep myself sane but grow more and more mentally healthy. But I am sustained and supported by my many wonderful loved ones and by God and the church.
What political issue(s) stirred you the most?
My answer from last year still applies. "I get horrified when I think about politics too much, and perhaps it's wrong of me to react to this by not thinking about it, but I don't know that forcing myself to look would actually help very much, so I don't."
Who did you miss?
The usual suspects.
Who was the best new person you met?
Does
miss_s_b count? It seems like cheating when we've known each other online for probably close to a decade, but this year was the first time we met in meatspace.Have you changed your hairstyle?
I've been growing it all year, and it's now only an inch or two short of the length I plan to keep it at.
What are you looking forward to most in 2020?
Continuing to settle into being married; getting back to a slightly more stable emotional state; going back to St Beuno's for a longer silent retreat in February; Thronescamp; Francegour.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019?
I'm allowed to never go to parties.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-01 12:55 pm (UTC)From:Your personal fashion sense paragraph made me laugh!
Wishing you an excellent 2020.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 05:54 pm (UTC)From:Have a good 2020.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-03 09:44 pm (UTC)From: