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I've been continuing to think and pray about vocation stuff over recent weeks and months, and yesterday I had a meeting with the vicar where I articulated some threads of discernment which had been gradually coming together. For a long time I used to think that whilst I had a calling to the more didactic and liturgical aspects of lay readership, I had no aptitude for pastoral work.
Something the vicar had said the previous time we'd met to talk vocation started me on the path to realising that whilst it is true that my autism makes it difficult for me to quickly and easily develop casual relationships with large numbers of people whom I don’t know well, it doesn’t impede my ability to develop deep and enriching bonds of understanding once that initial hurdle has been overcome, and that this is a)actually something that I'm pretty good at, and b)just as much a way of providing pastoral care. I explored a related theme a bit further with my therapist, thinking about having for a long time had a perception of myself as having poor social skills, and again realised that whilst I'm not naturally skilled at making friends, once I'm close to someone, I think I'm generally quite good at being a friend. In particular that I'm good at listening to people and making the time and space to meet them where they are and understand them, and let them feel safe with me and supported. And also at being able to offer perspectives that might be new and perhaps even challenging in a way that they're able to remain open to.
And somewhere along the line, the thought occured to me that one form of pastoral care which is considerably more aligned to these strengths than a lot of parish ministry is the relationship with a spiritual director. I sat on this for a while, not entirely sure if it was just a knee-jerk response to having had such a wonderful experience at St Beuno's earlier this year, or whether it was hubristic of me to think it was something I could do, but yesterday I mentioned it to Mthr Alice. Her response was that she'd been wondering whether or not to suggest it to me ever since I got back from St Beuno's, but that she thought it might be better to let me get there on my own. At which point it just clicked, and I suddenly have this firm and confident gnosis that this is how I'm suppose to serve God, which is something that I've never experienced before, and is extremely comforting and heartening. I've done some research into what options there are for my next steps, and am now in the process of filling out an application for a three year course at the London Centre for Spiritual Direction, starting in October. I'm very excited!
Something the vicar had said the previous time we'd met to talk vocation started me on the path to realising that whilst it is true that my autism makes it difficult for me to quickly and easily develop casual relationships with large numbers of people whom I don’t know well, it doesn’t impede my ability to develop deep and enriching bonds of understanding once that initial hurdle has been overcome, and that this is a)actually something that I'm pretty good at, and b)just as much a way of providing pastoral care. I explored a related theme a bit further with my therapist, thinking about having for a long time had a perception of myself as having poor social skills, and again realised that whilst I'm not naturally skilled at making friends, once I'm close to someone, I think I'm generally quite good at being a friend. In particular that I'm good at listening to people and making the time and space to meet them where they are and understand them, and let them feel safe with me and supported. And also at being able to offer perspectives that might be new and perhaps even challenging in a way that they're able to remain open to.
And somewhere along the line, the thought occured to me that one form of pastoral care which is considerably more aligned to these strengths than a lot of parish ministry is the relationship with a spiritual director. I sat on this for a while, not entirely sure if it was just a knee-jerk response to having had such a wonderful experience at St Beuno's earlier this year, or whether it was hubristic of me to think it was something I could do, but yesterday I mentioned it to Mthr Alice. Her response was that she'd been wondering whether or not to suggest it to me ever since I got back from St Beuno's, but that she thought it might be better to let me get there on my own. At which point it just clicked, and I suddenly have this firm and confident gnosis that this is how I'm suppose to serve God, which is something that I've never experienced before, and is extremely comforting and heartening. I've done some research into what options there are for my next steps, and am now in the process of filling out an application for a three year course at the London Centre for Spiritual Direction, starting in October. I'm very excited!
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Date: 2020-07-18 12:34 pm (UTC)From:Ask away :)
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Date: 2020-07-18 12:40 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-07-18 01:38 pm (UTC)From:Your analogy with psychotherapists and their supervisors is a good one, and indeed, the line between spiritual direction and therapy is itself pretty fuzzy.